Wasps.
Do you ever wonder why wasps seem to appear in massive numbers in the fall? Suddenly they are everywhere when there seemed like none were about before? Let me give you a friendly, quick and impartial overview of this lovely insect from nature's arsenal.
The Dirty Little Ruthless Backstabbing Yellow Striped Bastards from parts unknown that plague us every fall come in three flavors. The European paper wasp, the Northern paper wasp, and the smaller Yellow Jacket. They all are aggressive and territorial and sting for fun. Beekeepers hate them more than most as they harass honeybee colonies ruthlessly and kill off whole hives if they are small or weak.
The reason why they suddenly appear in large numbers is more about their lifecycle and nest mechanics than the sudden curse from above that it feels like.
Fall is when the populations are at their highest, but it’s also when their food chain becomes very altered. Wasps will forage like bees and collect nectar from flowers and hunt insects for protein to feed developing larva in the nest. Being evil, they don’t so this for altruistic reasons, but for a reward. When the larva is fed, it secretes a sugary substance that the adult wasps love. Yes, wasps lick their babies. Did I mention they are evil?
So this unholy exchange keeps them focused on foraging for the young so they can keep feeding on those sweet-sweet larval secretions and more and more of the little stinging buggers are raised until…..
Shut Down.
The party is over abruptly when the queen stops laying eggs. When reduced daylight hours and chilly evenings come upon us, she stops larva production and all those “nurse” wasps are literally out of a job. Do they resign to their fate and fade to black with dignity and grace?
Nope. The multitude of unemployed, and cranky losers start rampaging through the neighborhood and desecrate my grapes. Having mandibles, they puncture fruit on the vine, in the trees, or on the ground for the fructose rich juice. They mob garbage cans for soda and Slurpee remnants, and become an invasive hassle for anyone wanting to eat or drink on a deck or patio.
The last few years have been pretty bad for wasps. ( Well, Good for wasps, but bad for us.)
A large aphid population has given them a steady food supply to reproduce in large numbers in the spring and summer, and our lately mild winters have translated to low mortality to hibernating wasp queens.
My God John! What ever shall we do?
Wasps do serve a purpose. They eat a large amount of tent caterpillars for instance when they are in the green stage. They are not "pollinators" per se, but they do manage some pollination as they visit a lot of blooms and even without hair, some pollen sticks to them. They also provide a food supply to song birds, dragon flies, and other creatures. DO NOT spray them. Insecticides kill everything.
Nests can be removed at night by slipping a paper bag over it, twisting it off its anchor base and tossing it in your freezer. ( Disclaimer: Don’t hurt yourself. If you do, it’s on you. Because getting stung is a big part of my life, it’s not a big deal if I get poked. It may not be the same for you, so factor that in to any and all direction I give. Better yet, just don’t take my advice without consulting a doctor, a priest, your mom, and your spouse who will dissuade you from silly acts of bravery.)
Queens are easy to spot in the early spring as they are the only ones around, and it’s the only time they can be seen flying about. Killing an unestablished solo queen in the spring ends her lineage right there, so go all Game of Thrones on House Wasp and it’s one less murder factory under your eves.
Aside from that, ARM YOURSELF!I am more than a little embarrassed on how much fun this thing is. I’ve spent hours….ummm….testing this with different grades of salt. Y’know, for science!
Tennis anyone? Nah….I’m too fat for tennis. But I’ll send those little flying bastards to the afterlife all day long with a good bug racket!
Keeping it old school? Flyswatters come in many styles and material but if you have never tried a leather one you do NOT know what you are missing. Embrace your revenge, and send waspy-Mc wasp-face to Hades with a satisfying cow hide “Crack” .
Or alternatively hide indoors until first frost. Either way, fight on, my people! We shall never surrender!